Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
