swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
