If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
