When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You pole danced in your parka.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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