She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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