Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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