you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
