she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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