what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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