i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
