The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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