No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
