Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
