I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
