as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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