I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
