***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
