So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
