well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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