It's like a parade of train wrecks.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They are going to name an STD after you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
