you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
