Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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