I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
