we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My ass is underappreciated
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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