i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i dont even know how to be here
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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