You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
