i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
