I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
