Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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