It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
