T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
