Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We left the knife in your bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I party with great urgency now.
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