I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
