So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
