I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
