i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think i have two assholes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
