sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
