My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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