Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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