Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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