...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
