His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
