you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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