Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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