My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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