oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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