I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
