I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
