you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
