I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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